My Name Is…

My name is….

My name is Guilt

My name is Insomnia

My name is Suicide

My name is Selfharm

My name is Worthless

My name is Anxiety

My name is Anorexia

My name is Distraction

My name is Unmotivating

My name is Depression

Image result for depression

My name is Pain

My name is Fear

My name is Loneliness

My name is Emotional

My name is Numb

My name is Mute

My name is Wrong

My name is Anxiousness

My name is Tiredness

My name is Darkness

My name is Hopelessness

My name is Feelings

Image result for negative feelings

My name is “Garbage

My name is “Kill Yourself”

My name is “Go to Hell”

My name is “No One Likes You”

My name is “Ugly”

My name is “Fat”

My name is “Cry Baby”

My name is “Heartless B*tch”

My name is “Annoying”

My name is “Go Die”

My name is “Weirdo”

My name is “Mistake”

My name is Bullied

Image result for bullied

My name is Cheated On

My name is Sabotaged

My name is Lied To

My name is Turned Against

My name is Broken Trust

My name is Thrown Away

My name is Ditched

My name is Hidden From

My name is Revealed Secrets

My name is Talked About

My name is Betrayal

Image result for back stabbing

My name is Feelings

My name is Bullied

My name is Betrayal

My name is Major Depression

Image result for major depression

My name is Realization

My name is Awareness

My name is Understanding

My name is Help

My name is Strength

My name is Working Hard

My name is Positivity

My name is Long Road

My name is Improved

My name is Joys

My name is Smile

My name is Socialize

My name is Happy

My name is Better

My name is Recovery

Image result for recovery

My name is Feelings

My name is Bullied

My name is Betrayal

My name is Major Depression

My name is Recovery

Image result for recovery

My story: Major Depressive Disorder, MDD, is also known as simply Depression. There are many different types of Depression, but I have MDD. This disorder causes  low self-esteem, loss of interest in normally enjoyable activities, low energy, and pain without a clear cause. It can be either caused chemically, or by experiences in life. In my case, it is both. Which is why that “major” part is added. Depression runs in my family, and we all have obtained it chemically and through rough experiences.

The amount a person can handle is based on their mental strength, which can grow or be completely diminished. My mental strength is very well built unlike my brother who has BPD, which is Bipolar Depression. He hasn’t been able to handle some experiences well, so he instead he goes into manic and depressed stages. On the other hand, I am usually depressed all the time, constantly in a low mood. I take medicine called zoloft as an attempt to stabilize my mood more.  

As I’ve said, The amount each person can handle mentally differs from person to person. Humans are trivial creatures and are very sensitive but also strong and sturdy. They can break down so easily and be built up stronger, or even weaker. People can have a nerve breakdown more then once. Life never stops throwing things your way and depression can make it seem a whole lot worse. Depression keeps you unmotivated and uncaring. It can cause so much trouble for you and sometimes others around you. Depression can lead to cutting, insomnia, oversleeping, anorexia, and more. I have experienced all of these things with nightmares to accompany them. Worst of all about depression is the suicidal thoughts. The suicidal attempts.  Suicide. Many people die from suicide. Some attempt it just to be noticed by someone and for someone to realize their pain. Some really just want to escape reality. It’s hard to sift through all of these feelings and thoughts. The path must be walked alone at times as well. Some people give up and don’t make it to see the end of their sorrow.

To feel alone and like no one loves or that everyone wants you dead is a lie. People who this person doesn’t even know might care, but the people who care the most are the ones near you. It might not seem like they care but losing that someone would hurt them, and they might follow their example. People are affected strongly by what others think and rate their self-worth on what others say about them. Humans especially take in the negatives and pay more attention to the bad things someone has said rather than the good things. Thanks, Depression, for amplifying these feelings.

The road to recovery is a long one and sometimes that road is traveled many times. It is very hard but not impossible. Everyone controls their own fate and can only doom themselves. They decide what to do with themselves. They decide this on their own, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get help. There is always a way to do things and the easy way isn’t always the right way. People care, and people love that someone like me, who feels as if no one cares. Someone like me who feels that people are all fake personalities. That everyone is just trying to fit and they only care for themselves. That they are the only ones like they are. That they are alone, when in reality it isn’t true.

They are loved, and people close to them could feel the same way. Everyone is surrounded by unique yet similar people. I might walk by someone on the street just like me or in a worse situation and I will never know that they are going through the same thing as me.

Many people feel the way I do because Depression and insecurity cause all of this. Depression is something no one can escape forever so it has to be faced and controlled instead. Depression is not only a tool of pain, but also a battle to get stronger. I have fought that battle many times and I am in the middle of doing so. Depression has helped shape me into the person I am. Depression is part of what has given me the ability to understand others pain by going through my own. And Depression is something that will burden me for the rest of my life. I can never escape and I cannot show my weakness to the monster inside me. It’s hard to remind myself at times that I am not alone and that people care for me. It is hard to remind myself when no one else will remind me. So I remind people as well. I am a person to where if I see someone in pain, I need to help. I need to show them and tell them that they aren’t alone. I need to help.  At times I have shown my weakness, and I have been taken over by the monster, only to be pulled out by someone there to help me. Sometimes I need to pull myself out. The monster inside me will never lose energy and it will never stop fighting for control. This is life with Depression. I can survive though, as can many others. It has been done before, it is being done now, and it will be done later. Past, present, and future. All of these have been affected by Depression but that isn’t an excuse to give up. Everyone is strong enough to face this monster and control it, just as I am.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s