Swallow Your Pain

We wrote this story because we both have experienced addiction. We have experienced it at school, within our families, and many other places. We also have both experienced anxiety, as well as depression within ourselves as well as so many others in high school. Addiction, as well as anxiety and depression, is a very serious issue within our society today. It seems that now there are so many more teens that are dealing with these issues. We wrote this short story in order to bring some of these issues to life.

alone, black-and-white, depressed

Studies show that 10-15% of high schoolers show at least 1 symptom of depression at any given time. Of that, 17.3% that had major depressive episodes were female.

I’m fine, right?

This happens to a lot of people. I’ll be fine. 

We are going to be alright, we have a house, clothes, loving parents things couldn’t be any better.

Right, just like last year was going to be alright and the year before that and the year before that. Honestly, the best thing you can do now is just go lay down and never get back up. Why do we still deal with guys that treat us like we are worthless? Why are we forced to live with parents that don’t love us? Am I not good enough for anybody?

July 10th

This past summer my parents took me to a doctor. She said she could help. She gave me some pills to take once a day. They make me space out sometimes. I wish I wasn’t so spaced out all of the time.

pills-medicine-tablets-depending-161641.jpeg (6000×4000)

August 8th

I went to therapy and she told me to stop taking them. She says they could lead to drug abuse in the future. They aren’t healthy. They cause more bad then good. She told me eat healthier and go outside more. Because I wake up every morning and think, “Wow! How can I be the best me possible?”

“they could lead to drug abuse in the future. They aren’t healthy.”

I don’t think I can go without them, I don’t want to feel those awful feelings again, it won’t kill me to continue right?

No its just a few pills, if anything it makes me feel better than I ever have.

Image result for pictures of crying girls

August 10th

I started taking the pills again. They take away the pain. They make me feel numb inside. I feel like another person. I feel painless. I feel free from myself.

August 15th

I went to therapy again and my doctor noticed that I was being weird. She said that whatever I was doing needed to end soon. She told me to give her the remaining pills to be safe. I kept a few for myself. I think she noticed but she didn’t say anything.

August 21st

My therapist is mad at me for still being a little edgy because of the medicine. She told me to get myself together. That I needed to go to a Rehab center. I can’t. People will look at me differently. I don’t even need help. She is crazy

forest, haze, landscape

Am I really that bad?

 Maybe she’s right.

I think I need help, I don’t feel right and I don’t want to hurt myself more than I already have.

September 4th

She was right. I need help. I should’ve opened up to her. She only wanted the best for me. I need to talk to someone… and soon.

September 10th

I started seeing my therapist again. I told her I wanted help. She tells me to go to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. My parents called the offices and signed me up to go twice a week. I still have no clue what CBT even is, but I am willing to try.

October 1st

I have learned a little more about this type of therapy and have learned that it isn’t about medication and sedating, but about changing your mindset. They teach you about how to change the things you say that could be negative into a more positive manner. They teach you how to deal with your problems rather than pop a pill and have them disappear. They teach you how the real world works and how you need to figure things out and solve it rather than let it eat you up.

I think too much…………

December 25th

It is finally Christmas. I am almost 3 months clean. I wish I would’ve done this sooner. The lady at the doctors is so nice. She allows me to get through the day without popping a pill or even crying. I hope that by the new year I am a new person. I know that I have changed, but now I need to make sure that I understand that I am not alone in this and that there are other people around me that are willing to spend time to help me.

January 1st

I am over 3 months clean. I am so proud of myself. Within a year I have made it so far. I am no longer having bad thoughts. I am now a happy senior in high school with straight A’s. I am so excited to start college and find myself. So if you find yourself in a position like mine, think about all of the good things in life and keep a positive outlook on things.

Woman in Sunglasses on Grey Scale Photo

We would like you, the reader, to know that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone. Someone is with you. Somebody loves you. Somebody cares about your well being, even if it doesn’t seem like it. You are never alone. Never. Even when everyone seems to be against you, you are not alone. Get the help you need, be honest with yourself. Know your worth. Know that no matter what is happening or going on, someone loves you and needs you. And even if things aren’t going your way, and people don’t seem to care, there are hotlines that have loads of people that understand what you are feeling and know how terrible you feel. They have been there, they have dealt with your issues before. So reach out for help, understand that there will always be somebody there for you. 

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