Getting Through the Pain

Sexual Assault

By: Megan Winders and Kelsey Dickerson

                     Image 1

eye-shading-head-girl.jpg (3613×2554) We did our blog post about sexual assault because it is a very sensitive topic for one of the writers (MW), and the other writer (KD) was very upset finding out about it and was very worried too. A very close person in her life was sexually assaulted and it wasn’t her fault but she blamed herself. We created this blog to show victims that they aren’t alone. To show that all voices matter, no matter the situation. 

Music to Listen to When You’re Feeling Regret

Aria

This piece is called Aria, by Eugene Bozza.  This piece is very quiet, but full, rich, and meaningful.  The beginning signifies the beginnings of sexual assault, the way you feel when it happens first.  It is soft and slow, almost gloomy in a sense.  In the middle it starts to get louder, with a rich tone, signifying the regret and disappointment you feel in yourself, even though it’s not your fault.  It gets to a very loud point to signify a scream.  A scream of self disappointment; of pure terror.  And then the piece starts to slow down again, regaining its soft, dark sound.  The piece then ends on a quiet, almost silent note, which is signifying you feeling a little better, trying to forget it, but it’s still burned inside of you, and it will never leave.  This piece of music is perfect to listen to if you’re feeling regretful of your actions, because it’s soft sound will calm you down, and let you forget, even for a second, about what happened.  

                               Image 2                                Her Story:

pexels-photo-60289.jpeg (4608×3072)

    After partying all night at the bar, she had to take everyone back. Given that she herself had been drinking, but was mostly sober, she did not exactly want to drive all over God’s creation. A plan struck her head, if I just take everyone back to our place that would work just fine, I mean some of us would have to double up on beds it would work. The rest of them were loud and drunk as she drove home and laughed at their drunkenness as she went. The aroma of beer wafted off her friends and the car, and the sky was silent only the crickets made a sound in the swamp behind the house. She opened the door to the place and the night that would stay with her for the rest of the life.

Her friend and the other guy went to the friends room, leaving her and one other guy alone in the living room. She decided bed was a good answer, and that is where she headed. The only thing she did not realize was the other guy was following her. She told him to get out, to leave her alone. He did not listen, he said he just wanted to sleep in the bed nothing would happen. That was the first lie.

The others were passed out in the other room, and so the only ones who were making a sound was her, him, and the crickets outside. She laid down. He did too. She thought no. He thought something else. He began to touch her, his touch made her skin crawl. She said no, that it was not okay. He said it was.

She did not scream because she thought no one would hear her, and he knew that. She hated it, she hated everything about it. She hated that night, she hated that bed, she hated anything and everything that had some relation to it. The memory the pain, the mental scars and physical bruises she would never get rid of or forget.

Days passed, and she had only told one person. Her supposed best friend. The friend said it was her fault she should have said no louder. All the friend did was defend the guy because the guy helped pay her bills and nightly fun.

As the week went on, she beat herself up about it. One time she heard his name come on the intercom at a store. She froze. She had no idea what to do. His voice came back in her head. His touch, that felt like ice cold pain came back to her. All she knew was that she had to tell her family. She had to report it.

*****

I lie in bed sometimes wondering about what I would have done to stop it. The fact that it happened to someone so close to me makes me so upset. I wish that I could have been there to help or tell her to get away, to scream. There are so many things that I would have done to stop the event that would cause her to have a scar on her memory for the rest of her life.

Being the victim of sexual assault is not the victims fault. The scars stay with them forever, but they should not feel that they are alone. The family members of the victim will help take away the pain, they will help carry the scars that burdens the other. Family members and close friends may not know the physical or emotional pain the victim will forever, but family members know about how hard it can be for that person, and they try and to help carry that burden or help get rid of it. I for one know how hard it can be for the victim, for someone I love deeply was a victim of sexual assault. The day I found out about it was two weeks later than when it happened. I broke down in tears just thinking about it. I wanted justice served, I wanted it to have never happened. It was not right that it happened to her considering all she did was help her friends. I wished I was there to help her, maybe then he would have not have done it.

Victims should know that they are not alone. There is support out there to help them. Family, friends, even other victims are open to hear your story if you are open to tell it.

Image 3

pexels-photo-246804.jpeg (6000×4000)Music to Listen to When You Think It’s You’re Fault

Capriccio

This second music piece is Capriccio by Felix Mendelssohn. This piece starts out sad and mysterious, like there’s more to tell.  It has a very dark and serious tone. Then a Cadenza comes into play to signify a scream, wanting to tell someone about what’s happened, but you just can’t.  Next, the main part of the entire piece happens: sixteenth note runs with a harsh longer note at the end. A captivating melodic line. This signifies anger: the next stage.  The tone is fierce and full.  The next part of the song starts to slow down, but keeps the angry tone.  This is signifying the start of forgiveness, of the person, which shouldn’t happen.  The song then gets back up, angry as ever, and ends on a loud and fierce note, leaving the listener shocked.  I would recommend listening to this music if you’re angry at the person, or at yourself.  It will help you release your anger. 

Sexual assault has affected one of our writers for the rest of her life, and opened the eyes of the other. Do not be afraid to share your story because there are people out there who will listen and be there for you. Every 98 seconds another American is sexually assaulted.  We will forever provide support and help for those who want to be heard. If you are feeling that is your fault or if this has happened to you and afraid to talk about it there is support. Share your story in the comments below, we’ll listen.  Click here,  here, or  here for more hope.  You’re not alone.

 

 

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